What you see is a facade. It's like a rollercoaster - up and down you go. It was so unhealthy previously.. where has everyone gone? Nowhere to be found.
Can't wait to go back home. Home... that is not here on this earth.
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. - Psalm 61:1-3
Sometimes one can only depend on oneself, and perhaps, my Father.
2 weeks have passed since the decision is made. The Lord has been fantastic, He has been faithful, He has sustained me. The joy...that can only come from Him, and Him alone. :)
Attended Hillsong Concert @ NCC last Tuesday. It was a fantastic experience just communing with Him.... just crying out to Him, just unloading all burden unto Him.
Was just looking through the letter I wrote to God during Integration Day for the KAIROS course I attended last year in church. We had to write about the obstacles that would hinder us from becoming a world Christian. Ranked highest (most difficult) to change was love life followed by family. Before we broke away to find a spot in church to pray and meditate and write the letter, I think 1 of the facilitators (or was it pastor?) told us that whatever we write inside, rest assured, will be dealt with.
Well, it was dealt with. I found the letter last Friday while I was clearing up my room. Awestruck. Speechless. He moves. His Hand has never left me. Feel Loved. Feel Special. Am a Beloved daughter and His princess. :)
Never have I yearned so much to know Him more, to search, to dig deeper, to spend more time. The freedom. The blessings. A newborn. A new person. A fresh encounter with Him.
Like the rising sun that shines From the darkness comes a light I hear Your voice say This is my awakening
"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O LORD, you preserve both man and beast. How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.” - Psalm 36:5 - 7
Sometimes I'm too strong for my own liking. It has come to a point that I'm being taken for granted just because I look like I'm holding the fort. You, you, you and you! Yes, you have no bloody idea what is going on in my mind or what I'm going through. Selfish thoughts. Self-centredness. Perhaps I am entitled to it now for what I'm going through, albeit my own choice.
I am weak. I fear. I worry. I get bitter and resentful. I get angry. I'm human, just like anyone of you out there.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
There is only one hope, there is only one Person I cling onto, one Person who truly understands me, one Person who never leaves me nor forsakes, one Person I can entirely unload everything unto without fearing that it will "backfire", without fearing for His reaction or behaviour, without fearing that He would be hurt.
So... You, you, you, yes you right there! Don't think you understand me. Sadly, you don't.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
sounds cliche. same verse. many posts back. many months ago. hur.
Well.. life has gotten busy with work, with my mum and everything else that I haven't got much time to update the blog. I will be back soon... if I can find the strength and time to do so. : )
It's only the 2nd week.... it's only the 2nd week!! I've got a whole year to endure but I'm almost sapped dry. My health is failing me.. and the entire feeling is horrible.
This allergic rhinitis of mine is totally driving me nuts. I'm producing so much phlegm that my body tries to expectorate.These excessive coughs to get rid of the darn phlegm leave me breathless and wheezing as if I've got asthma. It was getting better... until the day I worked beyond 7pm. Age is catching up on me.
I want to get better, I really do! Mum kept nagging at me to watch the food I eat. "It is NOT flu! It's not because I take chocolate or eat chili or what not that makes me get worst...!"I kept saying. Then again, if she can nag = she's doing fine.... and in fact she's doing exceptionally well! Much better than me! She does laundry at home, wash the dishes, does her own cooking and even goes out for her own short walks. She's amazing I tell you.. I'm so proud of her. The bottomline actually - I'm so thankful to God. At least there's one thing I need to worry less - that's my mum. She's so well taken care of by Him. She's really my motivation to want to get better, which I'm not.
Every night before I go to bed I think about work. "Oh no... how to help this centre..? What should I do? How come the kids are like that? Why can't I seem to get anything to work?" Rest. I need genuine rest.
I am just... ranting. Persevere I must. Persevere I can. For my strength comes not from my own, but from Him. "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" - 2 Corinthians 12:10
